Shoes

A pair of shoes should not cost $200. Ever.

I hear that snark is the new black.

The birds are chirping./
The squirrels are running around./
Um, I should care why?

Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: “Winston, if you were my husband, I’d put poison in your coffee.”

Churchill: “Nancy, if you were my wife, I’d drink it."

If everybody's so excited about May Day, why don't I see May poles and streamers everywhere, with people dancing around them? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Snarkania #1

Snarkania...where everyone dispenses with the caveat, "no offense," since everything that is said is, in fact, offensive.

I'd rather not have to say, "waiter, I'd like the Rooty-tooty-fruity-fruity waffle doodles, please" when I just want some waffles and fruit. Just list your food on your menus and be done with it. We don't need to sound like tools when we're giving our orders.

Thank you, mailman, for taking my nice masters degree in its shiny priority mail flat rate envelope and ramming it into my mailbox, such that the whole thing is bent and warped. Really appreciate that.

When I'm flying down the street in my SUV, do you really want to test me by stepping off the sidewalk before you get the "walk" sign? I don't think you do.

If you don't have anything nice to say, start a blog called "The Snarky Pessimist" and post it.